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Send the chat with your crush, partner, situationship or ex. Patrik counts who texts first, who waits, and when things changed.
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Lisbon: four polls, one voter, zero flights
Patrik · Dan has posted the same poll four times and every vote in it is his. Nobody in this group ever says no to a trip. They just never say yes.
Still in the report
- 🔒Who really plans, and who just types 'IN'
- 🔒Omer's cousin, who has had 3 weddings this year
- 🔒Every excuse, ranked by believability
- 🔒Why the cabin up north wins every single time
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What Patrik finds
Who actually cares
Who starts the conversations, who replies in 4 minutes and who in 4 hours.
The moment it changed
The exact week the energy dropped, with the messages that prove it.
Your private language
The running jokes and words only you two (or you twelve) understand.
Everyone's role
In groups: the planner, the ghost, the one who says 'I'm in' and never shows up.
Choose how hard Patrik goes
Gentle
Sweet wedding-toast energy. Teasing, nothing that stings.
Spicy
A proper roast. Most people pick this.
Savage
No mercy. For groups who roast each other daily.
Lines from Patrik's reports
From the example chats above, so nobody's privacy was harmed.
“Dan has posted the same poll four times. He is not a trip planner, he is a hostage negotiator.”
“You answer in four minutes. Noa answers in three hours. At weddings we call that 'the slow dance nobody asked for'.”
“Ben has typed 4,000 words in this group in six years. 3,100 of them were 'ok'.”
“Mum doesn't need a headcount. Mum needs a hug and a straight answer.”
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